I don’t mean lost like your mom was just in front of you at Target but you saw something shiny that looked cool and went to check it out. Now you can’t find her and you’re wondering if you’ll ever get home to finish the food you left in your fridge and start thinking about how much you’d miss your mom. Then you realize you’re lost and hey where are those nice ladies that help you find your parents at stores or hey where’s the lost and found? You’re wandering around Target realizing there is no lost and found. Damn, your mom is gonna be pissed that her 12 year old still gets distracted by shiny things and can’t keep up with her because we just came to Target for one thing and have to get home so she doesn’t miss her show. *exhales*
I mean lost like you’re uncertain with what you plan to do in the upcoming years. I know in highschool around junior and senior year many of my classmates were asking how am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life at only 18 years old? Some knew the career path they’d choose in college, others weren’t so sure. At 17, being a senior I didn’t think about the future, I thought “let future Catherine worry about it” I didn’t even see myself in college. But when I got accepted to UIC I was excited, and felt like I had to automatically know what career I’d pursue.
At first I thought I’d go into the Business field because I knew I wanted to own a record store sometime in the future. However, after a semester in the business major I knew it wasn’t for me, I thought “what the hell am I doing here?” It was always clear to me that I loved English and writing, so I thought the obvious choice was to become a teacher. I went from a Business major to an English major and then Teaching of English major in only my first year at UIC. Finally I know what I’ll do for the rest of my life I thought.
But recently, I’ve found myself interested in other subjects like Psychology. I considered switching to a Psychology major but what if I don’t think that’s for me either? I’m told I have time to decide, I’m only 19 but it feels like the clock is ticking. I’ll be a junior soon, then a senior and before I can even catch my breathe I’ll be graduating. It doesn’t feel like there’s time to decide anymore. If I don’t put this degree to good use, it would have been a waste of time and money. It may not disappoint others that I chose a different career path than the one I spent so much time studying, but it’ll be a disappointment to me. All I know for certain at this moment is that I love writing and music. But, I don’t know what I want to do with these passions anymore. I was feeling really doubtful, and disappointed in myself. While also feeling a bit lost and scared. I thought I was the only one who wasn’t 100% sure anymore.
Ofcourse this feeling doesn’t just apply to highschool or college students. To those working 2 jobs, full time, part time – props to you. Similarly, we might be feeling like we’re at a stand still, a routine; this happens many times in our lives. When I get bored with routine, I take it as a sign I need to do something for me: dye my hair, get a new piercing or new tattoo, a complete day off with my friends. If you don’t feel like walking around with blue hair, just know that 5 or 6 months from now, a year from now, this lousy feeling may be nothing but a memory. You’ll look back and wonder why you were so down on yourself. As cheesy as it may sound hard work really does pays off.
But you know what? I’m 19, a sophomore in college and I’m not 100% sure what I want to do with the rest of my life and that’s more common than we think. What we need to remind ourselves when this happens is that: IT’S OKAY. As a good friend reassured me, “Honey, all you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.”