This past weekend, it was warmer in Chicago than San Diego. In February. That’s right, February – the month that everyone told me I would to need to be sleeping under a sun lamp and snorting vitamin D pills to fight suicidal urges.

Though, rather than sulking indoors, it seems that half the city has been drinking outdoors for two days straight. The Quad at UIC which generally sounds like whistling wind was scored by laughter. People were actually smiling and stopping to talk to each other, it was like the amount of beautiful people walking around suddenly tripled. Hell, the lunch lady who I exchange grimaces with as part of my daily routine even told me a joke.

That’s when I knew something was really wrong.

Saturday reached 70 degrees, which is a whole 33 degrees higher than the February 18th average high of 37. While there are some years where temperatures will randomly jump to the 60’s for a day or so, forecasts above 60 for a week and a half straight is absolutely insane. With less than one inch of snowfall total so far, the 2016-2017 winter is on track to have less snow than any ever recorded. It’s not like Chicago is the only place going bonkers, either. 2016 was the warmest global year ever, followed by 2015, 2014 and 2010. Actually, all of the top 10 hottest years have been since 1998.

When faced with this information, one could have a real dialogue about governmental ignorance, the power of corporate interest, existential threat to humanity, etc. Or, one could stop being such a goddamn buzzkill and crack open a beer while laying in a hammock. Say what you want about Trump, his presidency probably means we’re going to be able to break out our favorite T-shirts a lot more often than if some green party weenie got elected.


Besides, 2017 will likely be the year that a collision with planet X will bring an end to life on earth, anyway. According to many experts in the field, the planet often known as Nibiru will be coming for humanity in October of this year. If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard of this yet, theories range from a wide-scale NASA coverup, biblical justifications, or that it is coming at an angle which is hidden by the sun’s glare.

The theory which originated in 1995 with a Wisconsin woman being contacted by extraterrestrials has many wondering why we should protect our planet from fossil fuels when we can’t even protect it from a apocalyptic ball of space death.

As David Meade repeatedly says in his book on the topic, “The Harvest is coming,” so why should we feel guilty about enjoying a nice day?

If you’d like to feel better about the weather, check out “Planet X – the 2017 Arrival” here

Or just, y’know, do your part and recycle or something


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