Wow, that was one hell of a movie. I’ll be honest, Superhero fatigue had already set in by the time I sat down in the Theater, but by the time the credits rolled it had been replaced by not only a new respect for the MCU, but also a bunch of new reasons to visit my therapist.
The culmination of ten years of post credit scenes, Avengers: Infinity War finally smashed its way into cinemas last week; earning the praise of both critics and nerds alike. I had the pleasure of seeing it over the weekend, and honestly can’t stop thinking about all of the crazy stuff that happened over the course of its two hour and forty minute runtime. So without further ado, here are the top six wackiest things that happened in Avengers: Infinity War. Why six? The six infinity stones of course! (And because i’m lazy.)
*Spoilers ahead in case that wasn’t clear enough*
6. They killed Loki in the first five minutes.
Yup, that was fun. Before we even see get to see the title card, the film has already shown us one of the MCU’s most beloved villains get strangled to death by Thanos. For context, the film takes place immediately after the events of Thor: Ragnarok, with Thanos massacring nearly everyone on board the cruiser that Thor and the gang had escaped from Asgard on during the end of the film. After giving up the Tesseract, Loki tries to pull a fast one on Thanos by pretending to swear allegiance to him, but is caught and strangled faster before you can say “Tom Hiddleston’s film contract had expired”. Also Heimdall gets stabbed too, which is fun. Again, all of this happens before we even are told what the film is called.
5. Red Skull is back.
For all of the killing that goes on in this nearly three hour superhero genocide disguised as a movie, there was actually actually a surprising resurrection in the form of the return of the Red Skull. Rather than being disintegrated by the Tesseract at the end of Cap’s first movie like everyone thought, the MCU’s favorite nazi was transported to the temple of the soul stone. Thankfully it was nice enough to give him a job as the temple’s guardian/janitor for all of eternity. Personally this was a really nice surprise for me, as I’ve always thought that Red Skull was one of the MCU’s more effective villains. Judging by his state though, he probably won’t be making a full on return to the MCU to get his revenge. I’m sure he’s not complaining though, because being left to guard an infinity stone doesn’t seem like such a bad gig when compared to the Nuremberg trials.
4. Thanos is a well developed and interesting character.
When I first saw the Homer Simpson-looking Thanos back when the trailer first dropped, I was worried that he would be nothing more than a big overblown pushover who would be easily shat on by the Avengers in third act like all of the other MCU villains. I was wrong. Not only is he hands down the most interesting villains the MCU has ever produced, but he’s in the running for the most compelling character in MCU. While it may be called “Avengers: Infinity War”, this really is his movie, and the film takes its time to let us get to really get to know him. Sure he’s no Heath Ledger Joker, and there still is some cheese here and there, but he is so well developed in the film that I actually found myself empathising with him. His development almost works against against the development of the other heros, to the point where the film should almost really be called “Thanos’s Blood-soaked Interstellar Road Trip”. This point is only exacerbated during…
3. The part where everyone dies.
At the climax of the battle of Wakanda, Vision sacrifices himself to save the universe by getting Scarlet Witch to destroy the Mind Stone housed in his forehead before chiseled Grimace can take it from. She succeeds, and for a moment it seems like everything is going to be cool and dandy. Then Thanos uses the Time stone to undo the stone’s destruction, rips it out of Vision’s head, and snaps his fingers; killing half of all life in the universe. What follows is the most unsettling thing i’ve seen in a long time. Unluckily lumped into the half of the universe that has been deleted, well over half of the Avengers are turned to dust. In what was sure to be the longest five minutes of any nerd’s life, we are forced to watch as Scarlet Witch, Black Panther, Drax, Star Lord, Mantis, Groot, Falcon, Winter Soldier, Dr. Strange, and even Spider-Man beg for their lives as their bodies disintegrate. Spidey’s is by far the hardest to watch, as the poor kid begins to cry in Iron Man’s arms as he fades away. Excelsior!
2.The Post-Credits Scene.
Nick Fury and agent Maria Hill make a surprise return, and once again we are treated to what seems like another moment of hope. Then the film regains its bloodlust, and the two former .S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are turned to dust about as fast as they came.Thankfully Nick Fury had his pager on him, and is able to send a signal to Captain Marvel before he blows away. I’d be more optimistic as to how she could help to save the Avengers if I hadn’t just seen Thanos just kill half of them without any effort though.
1. The final shots and the future of the MCU.
After the dust bowl, the final scene of the film brings us to Thanos’s Florida condo to watch him chill out and watch the sun rise. I’m not kidding; this is how the film ends, and honestly it couldn’t have been more perfect. I went into this moving expecting more of the same, but instead got beaten up with clubs made from the bone of dead MCU characters, and I loved every minute of it. Sure, most of the deaths will most likely be ret-conned later on (Disney would be damned if they weren’t able to make more money off of these characters), but the last ten minutes of this film proved to me that Marvel has the stones to do whatever the hell it wants to with its characters, and I now have a lot more respect for them because of that. Even if you don’t include the characters turned to dust, we still lost Gamora, Vision, Loki, and Heimdall. I genuinely don’t know where the series will go from here, and i’m very excited as to what the future will bring. My one gripe with the film is that it missed a great opportunity to use Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind”.
Bonus: Peter Dinklage Is In It.
So, Peter Dinklage is in the film. He plays a giant dwarf. It looks kind of terrible. That is all.
Jonah Nink is a Freshman at UIC currently study english and communications. Listen to him say words on “The Longplay”, every Tuesday from 9pm to 10pm on UIC Radio.