The Top 6 Craziest Things That Happened In Avengers: Infinity War

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Wow, that was one hell of a movie. I’ll be honest, Superhero fatigue had already set in by the time I sat down in the Theater, but by the time the credits rolled it had been replaced by not only a new respect for the MCU, but also a bunch of new reasons to visit my therapist.

The culmination of ten years of post credit scenes, Avengers: Infinity War finally smashed its way into cinemas last week; earning the praise of both critics and nerds alike. I had the pleasure of seeing it over the weekend, and honestly can’t stop thinking about all of the crazy stuff that happened over the course of its two hour and forty minute runtime. So without further ado, here are the top six wackiest things that happened in Avengers: Infinity War. Why six? The six infinity stones of course! (And because i’m lazy.)

*Spoilers ahead in case that wasn’t clear enough*

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Meditations: Concert Feels

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And there he was… in all of his elderly glory. A tall, slender figure dressed all in black and sporting a haircut that would raise an eyebrow if worn by anyone else, snuck onto to the center of the stage under the cover of a blinding light show.

Now carrying his signature black Fender Precision bass guitar, the old man crept up to the center stage microphone, which by this point in his career was an action as common as brushing his teeth or wiping his ass.

As the light show fizzled out, he took a moment to shoot a quick look to each of his musicians; all of which reciprocated with a nod of assurance that they were prepared to carry out their holy duty.

He smiled, inhaled, and then –

Roger Waters, a man who I have idolized for nearly a decade at this point, and who up until now had only existed to me through his music, was now just a stadium’s length away from my face; which at this point was drenched in tears.

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Meditations: Judging by the Cover

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Badlove (1999)

If you were an album sitting in a record store up until about 1995, the only thing that got you out of the door and into the hands of some bell-bottom wearing teenager that wasn’t the quality music, but whatever the hell was displayed on your cover. Didn’t matter if you were the Rolling Stones or Engelbert Humperdinck; all were at the mercy of whatever the hell the artist had decided they wanted their potential customers to see decorating their records.

Still, dozens of artists broke this rule like it was going out of style, and you can find about a million awful covers with a quick google search. While taking a deep dive into that rabbit hole of awful fringe album covers would truly be magical, I’d actually like to look at a few records that I think are great as far as the music is concerned, but leave a few metric tons to be desired as far as the visuals are concerned.

But before diving into this, what qualifies as a “good” album cover? Some of you might respond by saying that “all art is subjective and up to interpretation”. Some of you are stupid.

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Meditations: The Gang Makes a Top Ten List

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So I’ll just come clean and say that I really don’t watch The Office. Now hold on, before you reach for that molotov cocktail, let me make it absolutely clear that I have seen a good chunk of its episodes and have found most of them to be pretty enjoyable. While I do like the show, I could never really get into it too much. Call me an intolerable postmodern pseudo-nihilist sludge hipster, but, I like my sitcoms a little bit spicier than your average bear. That’s why when I’m looking for something to watch while eating an amount of Chick-fil-a most doctors would call “questionable”, my first choice is always FX’s black comedy sitcom, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Created by Rob McElhenney in 2005, the series has graced us with twelve full seasons worth of the depraved and twisted adventures of, “The Gang”, which is basically what would happen if you were to boil the very worst that humanity had to offer down into five people named Charlie, Dennis, Frank, Mac, and Dee who own a bar called Paddy’s Pub. From musical theater to cannibalism, the gang does just about everything but actually run their bar as they try to find more and more depraved ways to bide their time. While each of the show’s 134 episodes share an equally warm little spot in my heart, the title of this article says that I’m going to rank them, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Keep in mind that this is just my own list and that opinions are normally pretty awful so break out your finest rum hams and milk steaks, because things are about to get extreme.

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Meditations: Some Quick Updates on The Longplay

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Fellas, it’s been a good time and a half since I’ve updated all of you beautiful sea urchins on the status of my beloved weekly radio show, “The Longplay”. Seeing as this lack of updates on the status of the show wasn’t really a big deal to anyone I was just going to let it slide, but that was before I woke up screaming in the middle of the night last night after I remembered that the deadline for my blog was today… so here we are.

Now let me be clear, the Longplay is still dedicated to bringing you full length classic albums accompanied by commentary from the show’s very handsome and talented host (me), but instead of that being the game plan 100% of the time, it’ll probably go down to a nice and kosher 60% of the time.

If the past few panel shows that I’ve done have taught me anything, it’s that I like having people in the studio to banter with, so expect more of that in the future. Don’t worry though, these guests won’t entirely consist of my stupid friends. In fact, having actual local musicians as guests for semi formal interviews is something I’m also going to try and incorporate. Basically my goal is to appeal to the people who hate my voice by filling my show with people who aren’t me. It’s ideas like this that earn me the big bucks.

All that being said, it will still mostly just be me in the studio, so you have nothing to fear if you’re one of those regressive mofos who fear change. I’m trying to spice up the variety of albums I pick, as I’ve been a little worried that things are getting a little samey. Expect more EP showcases, live albums, films scores, and possibly even comedy albums in the near future. I’m also due in for another local music showcase, so keep an eye out for that as well. Episodes are also going to start going longer because there isn’t anyone after me.

And finally, I must mention that The Longplay does have a facebook page, which can be found right here https://www.facebook.com/longplayUIC/. Now I would say that i’m trying to expand the show onto other social media platforms, but I don’t feel like lying right now. Give the page a like, and I promise that I will make Zuckerberg give your personal information away to only the finest Azerbaijani opioid smugglers.

If the parts about local musical guests and local music showcases made you say “hey, I’m a semi established local musician or comedian with music released on Spotify, maybe I should speak to this man”, than feel free to contact me through the facebook page. Be warned though; I’m incredibly unlikable.

And that’s about it. Make sure to tune into The Longplay every Tuesday from 9pm to 10pm on UIC Radio to watch me go back on all the promises I made here in real time.

Meditations: Talking about David Byrne’s “American Utopia” and New Music by Old People

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David Byrne is one of many musicians currently suffering from the rare condition called “old age”

People often dismiss new music put out by older acts and artists, arguing that these projects are nothing more than sad attempts by old people to recapture their former glory.  While not always wrong, putting on this mindset can make you a bit oblivious to some of the great tracks that these aging veterans have been able to put out.

For example, Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour and Roger Waters both released some of the finest material of their careers just in the past couple years.

Gilmour’s “Rattle That Lock” (2016) was a fantastic showcase of incredibly solid tracks that covered a lot of musical ground from psychedelic funk to jazz, all while featuring some vocal and guitar work that rivaled even his most celebrated Floyd moments.

Waters’s record, “Is This The Life We Really Want” was released the following year and was just as solid; serving less as a conventional album and more as one long suite that eloquently tackled the issues plaguing our society with his now signature razor sharp lyrics and emotional delivery.

These are just some of the many records released in the last few years by aging rockers that have broken through this stereotype with flying colors. That being said, there is still reason that this stereotype exists.

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Meditations: Look Who’s Back

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We’ve all been curious about how it would go down if he came back. How would people react? Would he manage to get to the same level of influence that he was back in his heyday, or would he barely even be able to function due to the shock of seeing the modern world? Who exactly am I referring too? Adolf Hitler, of course.

This question is answered in the 2015 German film “Look Who’s Back”, (known in Germany as “Er Ist Wieder Da”. The film was directed by David Wnendt, and is based off of the satirical novel of the same name by Timur Vermes.

The film opens with Adolf Hitler, played damn near perfectly (or perfectly to me at least, I’ve never met Hitler) by German actor Oliver Masucci, suddenly waking up in a park where his bunker used to be. Disoriented and in shock, Hitler wanders the streets of Berlin and asks random people for information on his situation, but everyone thinks he’s just some crazy street performer. Eventually, he manages to be taken in by the owner of a small newsstand. From there, Hitler spends his time reading about what the world has gone through in the last seventy years. After staying a few nights in the newsstand, Hitler eventually meets a small time director named Sawatzki, played by Fabian Busch. The two then go on a cross country journey to make something that can be pitched to the TV network Sawatzki used to work for.

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Meditations: Navigating the Monty Python Films

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If re-watching Monty Python’s Life of Brian last night has taught me anything, it’s that the three films and a TV show that the legendary English comedy troupe managed to bless us with are, in my meaningless opinion, some of the finest pieces of media ever produced by a multi-cellular organism. I’m sure that this is nothing new though, as the three films are so universally well liked by everyone that I don’t actually think I’ve heard anyone openly jeer at them. That is, nobody except Derek, but honestly screw Derek.

Yet somehow, despite their ubiquitous nature in both the comedy and film worlds, as well as the endless references that people seem to make to them, there are still many sad, hopeless fellas out there who have yet to be exposed to their brilliance. If you happened to be one of the “people” I’m referring to,than you’ve come to the right place. Here’s a comprehensive guide to navigating these comedic epics.

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Start With- Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975): The one that everybody seems to like the most The Holy Grail seems to be many people’s first introduction to the world of the Pythons. I know for a fact that it was mine at least, and I fondly remember watching it for the first time at a friend’s house. I knew for a fact that I liked it, even though I didn’t understand a word of it.  

This title is well earned, mainly due to the fact that it’s the most digestible of all of the Python media. I use the word “digestible” because of the fact that while it is the most easy to follow for newcomers, this is still a Python film, which means that it still fires off  jokes and weird, high concept visuals at the rate of a rabid money on speed.

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Like You Care: My Top 5 MCU Films

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So Black Panther just came out and it was pretty good. Another addition to the canon of the monstrosity that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the film managed to set itself apart from the others through its originality, social relevance, and the introduction of a villain that was for once more interesting than a piece of driftwood.

It’s so good in fact that it’s inspired me to start a whole new series of articles called “Like You Care”, a list series where I’ll be ranking some of personal favorite things that will cover everything from movies to music to pasta sauce. One thing to note is that these lists will be tackling my personal favorite entries, and because of my horrifically poor taste, may not always be the best.  Because of the release of Black Panther and boundless originality, the first will cover MCU films. Continue reading “Like You Care: My Top 5 MCU Films”

A Quick Tour Through My Paltry Vinyl Collection

Ah, Vinyl; the Bitcoin of the hipster. Remember when you were on the brink of extinction, only to be resurrected by a bunch of pasty fellas sporting ironic mustaches and unironic superiority complexes? I do, mainly because every time I walk into a Barnes & Noble I see the pile of new $50 vinyl reissues get larger and larger like the world’s most overpriced tumor.

“Ok, we see where this is going, you don’t like the resurgence of vinyl. Stop being such a d*ck.”

Actually you’re wrong; I love vinyl… I just like making fun of its comeback even more. In fact, I even have my own little collection right here at home, do you want to see it?!

“No”  

Too bad!

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