The Loneliness of Being a Gay Man in 2017

lonely_gay

Learning to Fly with Broken Wings and Learning to Love with a Broken Heart


I’ve oft discussed this phenomenon on my radio program (‘Trev,’ Wednesdays from 8:30 – 10:30 PM CT on uicradio.org and the mobile app Radio FX, also soundcloud.com/trevshow), one in which LGBTQ+ youth in particular struggle to fit in with a group that truly meshes with their identity and damaged sense of self. You see, the one thing that truly unites queer people is a certain level of damage. This damage can arise from a variety of sources and circumstance.

Paradoxically, gay men in particular find very little difficulty attaching themselves to individuals physically, sexually or romantically. What results is a very isolated and unstable foundation of support. Placing all bets on a single, extremely flawed individual is a sure fire way to return not only to the loneliness with which one was accustomed to before, but in fact an even deeper, darker sense of isolation. One fraught with the always-difficult transition from companionship back to solitude. The transition in and of itself is not one containing smooth or stable components.

The underlying issue is that, by their nature, gay men are, frequently, incredibly damaged. Indeed the basis of a romantic, male, homosexual relationship is one between two parties who haven’t been shown much love in life and yet are expected to somehow know how to do it. The results speak for themselves. I do not think it is a stretch to say that the extremely high rates of suicide among queer youth can be directly traced to this sort of all-or-nothing level of support.

See, when a heterosexual goes through a breakup, there is an entire community of support waiting for them in the wings. Mom, dad, sister uncle, all universally relate and empathize with the heartbroken straight boy. Conversely, homosexuality, even now, is something that at the very least isn’t spoken of among even the inner-most core of a family structure, even if it isn’t vocally opposed. Adding to this is the media’s frequent portrayal of happy, fulfilled gay couples (primarily white and male in nature).

The overused cliche of puberty is one of a caterpillar turning into a beautiful, transformed butterfly, which older butterfly creepily comment and make advances towards, but that’s besides the point. (These are the butterflies who could end up violently splattered on the grille of a car without even a modicum of remorse on behalf of literally everyone. Good riddance, you pervy rainbow moth). Gay puberty features significantly more bumps along the way.

Imagine, instead, of a caterpillar in its cocoon being ripped from the branch, stomped on repeatedly, and somehow managing to emerge, broken, but alive nonetheless. This damaged larva begins its post-transformation existence with broken wings, attempting to the best of its ability to assimilate into the life and culture of its peers. Often failing to do so, a fellow damaged monarch approaches it and offers, at once, a sense of familiarity, unity and aid. Finally, someone who gets it.

Instead of insects, imagine that damage lies within the heart of a human being. A heart that has faced dogma and violent opposition of its own kind. Mothers, grandparents and “friends” alike. The heart of a young, gay man is one that has been stomped and bruised since its inception. While it continues to beat, through lens of judgment and basic survival, it fails to empathize with those even within its own community. Infidelity, internalized homophobia, and all sorts of destructive behaviors are fueled by an overwhelming sense of self-hatred and guilt. Things that are not intrinsically or naturally a product of its lifestyle, but rather the environment with which it so inefficaciously tries to perform. A gay man is a butterfly with broken wings trying its best to fly. A gay man is a human with a broken heart, trying its best to love.


Trev Richards is host of the weekly talk program Trev on UIC Radio; Live, Wednesdays 8:30 – 10:30 PM Central Time. Follow/listen on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, iTunes and SoundCloud

I’m Seeing Double

With Chris Soules proposing to Whitney Bischoff on this season of The Bachelor things have certainly gotten crazy when Chris Harrison revealed during “After The Final Rose” that there will be two bachelorettes.

bachelor

Watching the “After The Final Rose” was a little intense when the audience realized that both Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson will be fighting for attention from 25 men. During the show, both women did not seem too pleased when they figured they were competing against one another in order to be the next bachelorette.

britt and kaitlyn

The show usually goes off of crowd favorite when it comes to determining the next bachelor or bachelorette but the fact that there are two in this upcoming season and that the men decide who they want to stick around has gotten a lot of controversy.

With Britt being known as one who shed the most tears this past season and having two different personalities around Chris and the other women she definitely has been one of the most talked about women this past season.

Kaitlyn on the other hand made it to the final 3 completely confident until Chris sent her home with a broken heart.

Which one of these two women deserve to be the next bachelorette? What do you think of the idea of having two bachelorettes? Leave your comments below 🙂

 

Love is in the Air

Happy Valentine’s Day!

“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love”.

-Maya Angelou

valentines day

Well first off, I hope everyone has a wonderful day ahead of them. Valentine’s day is not just about being with a significant other, it’s about spending time with the people you love and making the most of the day.

Most of the time we portray “Valentine” as someone we have a romantic interest in. That’s not true.

Your valentine can be a friend, family member, or even a pet.

For those that are single, make the most of today by spending time with those who care about you because in the end, what really matters is being by the ones you love and care for you.

valentines day2

Here are a few ideas on what to do for this holiday:

  • Go out for food. Everyone loves food, and it’s a great way to catch up on how everyone is doing. In person conversations definitely bring you closer to others.
  • Since it started snowing, go play in the snow! Bring out your inner child by having snowball fights and building snowmen.
  • Go explore the city of Chicago. There is just so much to do. This works great for those who are single and for those who are involved in a relationship.
  • If you really want to get in the Valentine’s day spirit, try baking cookies, cupcakes, or even brownies for your loved ones. This will definitely bring a smile to anyone’s face.

These are just a few ideas, but I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s day with the ones you love!

 

 

The Heart Wants What It Wants

Ever listen to those songs that make you want to tear up at the end because of how powerful it was and because of the meaning behind it?

Well, the beautiful Selena Gomez outdid her fans once again, with her new release, “The Heart Wants What It Wants”

selena

In the beginning, Gomez has a battle with her thoughts and how she feels confident on the stage in the beginning, but later how she knows “him” and that he wouldn’t hurt her, but makes her feel like everything wrong in their relationship is all her fault. She talks about how much pain she goes through in her relationship, but can’t let go.

 

The 22 year old singer and songwriter opens up about her song in US magazine, “Honestly, music is an expression, and if you will be that voice for these girls, there are some people that feel this. This is universal.”

Some feel like her new release is about her on and off boyfriend, Justin Bieber. Although Gomez has been quiet about her relationship with Bieber, the song and her true emotions really put it out there and show how she is feeling.

Although she is quiet about her relationship, she keeps things vague by saying, “I support him. I think I always will. I’m upset when he’s upset. I’m happy when he’s happy. I don’t want anything ever to happen to him bad. It hurts me. That’s all,” In an interview with Ryan Seacrest.

If you haven’t had the chance to check out her new song, click on it below! 🙂